I’ve always considered myself a bit of a runner. Not in the bad sense, where I run to escape my problems, but in the good sense where I run to solve them.

Example: Once I graduated college, I found myself working as a valet attendant. A job that, to this day, was my most favorite job. However, I also found myself sedentary. I graduated with a degree in Early Childhood Education with a focus on Psychology and Special Ed. However, I had no intention of ever teaching (that’s a long story for a later date). While I was currently doing something I loved, I often envisioned myself 20 years from now, still doing the same thing and living somewhere I hated. Life moves fast, man.

So instead of staying there and just doing life, I shook it up a little (cue blog post: Making Sandwiches in Paradise). I packed up my entire life, and moved to Maui. I stayed there for a year and a half, where I found myself in a similar position. I was 22, working at a surf shop on the beaches of Maui. While this sounds like a dream come true, it still wasn’t my purpose in life, and I imagined if I were to stay, I would find myself 20 years down the road still selling t-shirts to tourists (Side story, the cover picture for this entry is the place I would go EVERY single night, by myself, to watch the sunset and contemplate life. I solved so many life problems sitting on that tree branch, this one picture has become a pillar of strength for me when I’m feeling like I can’t overcome whatever life has thrown at me)

I left Maui and came back home to the northeast, where I picked up my old job of valet parking, but this time as a Regional Sales and Marketing Manager. I spent one year (almost to the day) driving all over NY State, living out of my car, bouncing from company house to company house. I once again questioned my life decisions. While I loved what I was doing, is this what I was meant to do? No, it wasn’t.

So I packed up everything I owned (again) and moved south to West Palm Beach, FL. From there, I started out valet parking, got my first “real job” as a recruiter and eventually settled into my first career, working as a Produce Buyer for a local Co-op. I stayed there for 7 years and held 4 different positions. During this time I also moved 3 times, so that kept me from feeling sedentary.

Once I felt my time at that job had run its course, I got a new job with a nice promotion for a produce importer down in Ft. Lauderdale. While this was a large commute (56 miles and anywhere from 1-3 hours each way) it was a new start for me, and I was ready for that.

I spent 20 hours in the car each week for about 5 years. I put 35K miles per year on my car, I changed the tires every 6 months, I got an oil change every 2 months, I could go on and on about the stats of commuting 🙂

In 2020, just before Covid hit, I went remote. Again, this helped me feel like my life was still moving and changing in all the right ways.

Fast forward to September of this year, I got laid off. I knew it was coming. The company was not doing well, and my tenure there had run its course. You can lead a horse to water…blah blah blah. You get the point. While I was financially scared, I knew in my heart that this was a blessing. This needed to happen, and it probably should have happened years ago (the separation, not the lay off). In the words of my amazing coach “Being unemployed doesn’t suck. The only bad thing is not getting a paycheck” and boy, did I take that to heart.

I had started traveling in my RV back in September 2020, so any time I even remotely felt sedentary or stuck, I would just pack up, set off on an adventure, and find my purpose, my reason and my next path. It was so rejuvenating and grounding for me. It brought back life’s purpose, each and every trip.

Yet here I sit, six months after layoff, completely stuck, and unable to change that. I’ve done everything I can to keep busy. I apply to jobs for about 4 hours a day, I joined a pickleball league, I’m gardening, I’ve become the neighborhood handy lady, I volunteer for a local husky rescue, I rewrite resume’s, I created this blog and website, I’m selling everything I don’t need so I can clear my mind and my house, I’ve signed up to work the polls on voting days, I’m doing survey’s for side cash, I just signed up for Uber Eats, I’m in talks with a friend about starting a podcast, I’m exercising every day, my vitamin game is strong, I spend tons of quality time with my pup, my sock drawer is exquisitely organized, I’ve remodeled small spaces in my house ( I don’t trust my handy work to do big spaces yet!), I’m puppy and cat sitting for friends and neighbors, I could go on for hours about the creative ways I’ve been keeping myself busy, yet its STILL. NOT. ENOUGH.

The itch is there, and it’s so very real. I want to run. I want to run so I can shake things up and figure out my next steps. But I cant. In this season of my life, I need to SIT with myself and my very strong feelings and come up with a plan. I can’t use my usual creative outlets. I have to come up with new mechanisms using only the tools that I have here, in this house. And let me tell you, ITS HARD. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

But I know deep in my heart that whatever is coming next is going to be GREAT. I feel like a butterfly in a cocoon. I’m about to fly. I just don’t know where yet 🙂 I will be back on the road, living the life I absolutely love. And I will be back there with a better understanding of my needs and my priorities. I just have to keep trudging on.

My time to run will return, and you all will be the first to know when it happens 🙂

Moral of the story: If you feel stuck, confused, or just unsure of what to do next, YOU AREN’T ALONE. You’ll figure it out. You always do. And you’ll come out so much stronger on the other side. Embrace the uncomfortable, it’s going positively change your life in ways you can’t even imagine. Hang in there, it’s just a season 🙂